I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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