Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
