after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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