I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
