There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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