i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
