its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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