he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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