I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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