YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
