Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
