Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
