ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
