if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
