VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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