Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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