Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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