How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
