I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just cropdusted the office
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize