Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
