i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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