I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize