Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
