eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
