Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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