You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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