final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..