Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.