I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject