Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
