Texts From Last Night

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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now

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  (985): for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now http://tfl.nu/fzln
  Replies (59) Good night (856) Bad night (4646)
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  (607): View more from New York

  i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.

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  (607): i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change. http://tfl.nu/yfee
  Replies (18) Good night (4683) Bad night (809)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it

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  (402): You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day (1-402): If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it http://tfl.nu/wdhm
  Replies (12) Good night (4893) Bad night (1222)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?

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  (317): So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road? http://tfl.nu/ir52
  Replies (23) Good night (10037) Bad night (1064)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.

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  (918): We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it. http://tfl.nu/eha8
  Replies (6) Good night (2758) Bad night (725)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal

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  (812): They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal http://tfl.nu/sgdn
  Replies (4) Good night (1984) Bad night (572)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki

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  (250): I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki http://tfl.nu/rhok
  Replies (14) Good night (2901) Bad night (1056)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas

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  (734): I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas http://tfl.nu/ktjl
  Replies (8) Good night (1514) Bad night (670)
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  (607): View more from New York

  So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.

  (607): View more from New York

  These are the moments that bond souls forever.

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  (607): So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan. (607): These are the moments that bond souls forever. http://tfl.nu/nwlm
  Replies (2) Good night (971) Bad night (424)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.

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  (864): Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that. http://tfl.nu/ou7s
  Replies (6) Good night (2047) Bad night (451)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!

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  (509): There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar! http://tfl.nu/gi23
  Replies (3) Good night (682) Bad night (341)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.

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  (775): I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do (1-775): So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch. http://tfl.nu/xajs
  Replies (4) Good night (474) Bad night (226)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?

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  (202): Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance? http://tfl.nu/xp3g
  Replies (5) Good night (744) Bad night (260)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in

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  (312): I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in http://tfl.nu/almk
  Replies (7) Good night (482) Bad night (271)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila

  (716): View more from New York

  Step 4: your drunk

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  (716): Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila (716): Step 4: your drunk http://tfl.nu/kixe
  Replies (4) Good night (498) Bad night (262)

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