i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?