If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says