I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
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oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.