my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.