I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.