Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
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Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.