sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight