I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That's what I'm talking about
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.