in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
sex in a hospital.. check
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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