I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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