Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
