Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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