see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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