i just wanna soil my oats bro
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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