My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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