farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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