btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
