i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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