How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
