just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
