He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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