Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
