mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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