did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
