I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
