Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
