I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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