Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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