Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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