Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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