What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
