I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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