Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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