Say something about gay babies.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
