his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
