dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
