I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I could fuck to npr.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
