I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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