the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
