Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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