$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
