Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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