guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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