I'm lost and stupid without you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
