We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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