i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
