imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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