i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
