it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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