we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
