Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
