i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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