I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
