i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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