Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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