No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
