I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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