It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
