boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Randomize
