yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
