I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
