So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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