I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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