I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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