That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
