I can tuck mytits in my pants
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
